Rude Awakening
by Dave2380
Summary: Why staying over at the Xavier Mansion can play havoc with your wardrobe. Slash so if you don't like it then don't read it.


Author: Dave2380

Distribution: only please.

Rating: T, nothing really explicit, implied slash.

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or Captain America or any of the characters Herein, they are the property of Marvel Comics. All fics are non profit.

* * *

Staying over at your lovers home for the first time is always a revealing experience. The way they stack their CD's, arrange their books, even the way they hang up their clothes can tell you a lot about them. In Logan's room in the X-Mansion you wouldn't learn much. For a start there are no CD's, true there is an alarm clock with a radio function, but no normal radio. There are very few books, just a copy of Sun Tzu's The Art of War and some Kabuki scripts in the original Japanese. Overall the room is mostly empty, there's a closet, a chest of drawers with Logan's Katana atop it and the bed.

The bed seems to be the most used article in the room, a king sized monster with plain white cotton sheets and a plain blue duvet, even here the Spartan feel of the room continues, but at least the blue of the duvet is a welcome distraction from the cream and white colours of the room.

At the moment the bed is occupied by Steve and Logan, both recumbent in slumber, curled around each other in a tangle of arms and legs after a night of highly energetic and intense love making. In a few hours they'd no doubt wake up and have lazy, satisfying morning sex before embarking on a swift raiding excursion to the X-Men's kitchen for coffee and breakfast. Not that they don't get on well with the X-Men, indeed relations with all in the mansion are quite pleasant. It's just that Steve doesn't feel comfortable swaggering around the place as if he owns it. Not when everyone's still adjusting to his relationship with Logan.

Sadly a relaxed Saturday morning is not on the cards, as all the windows in the mansion shatter simultaneously at 7 am and a resounding metal clang signals that someone has blown the mansions gates off their hinges and knocked them into the front door again.

*****

A dawn attack is customarily attempted to give the attacking forces the element of surprise, the surprise element in this instance being the likelihood of catching the X-Men groggy and unaware, what Magneto and his latest incarnation of the Brotherhood had failed to take into account was that several of the X-Men are not morning people.

Logan for example is not a morning person, not without two cups of coffee and some rather energetic wake up sex, so it was no surprise to Steve that his lover woke up looking positively homicidal before scrambling into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and popping his claws.

" Magneto, Sabretooth, Toad, Blob, Pyro and Avalanche, can't a man get a break ? "

" Obviously not, pass me my t-shirt."

" Steve you can't go out there, you don't have your shield or your costume. "

" True, so I'm going to borrow your Katana and wing it."

" Steve…"

" Uh hello, Captain America here, I'm not exactly helpless, and I certainly don't hide behind my boyfriend. "

The air crackles as they glare at each other, but Logan breaks eye contact first and sighs, muttering about stubborn s.o.b.s he throws Steve his T-shirt and head out of the room, obviously hoping to wrap this up before Steve can catch up. Giving up on the search for his boxers, Steve shimmies into his jeans and slips on his faded Avengers logo t shirt and sneakers. Grabbing Logan's katana he glances out the window and see's Sabretooth heading to the rear of the mansion. Opening the window he slips out and slides down the roof tiles in pursuit of his quarry.

*****

Jean and Rogue, like Logan were not morning people, they were especially unhappy at being roused at 7 am and having to repel an attack from Magneto and his Brotherhood in their PJ's. As a result of their ire Blob was receiving quite a battering at their hands, well Rogue's fists and a substantial tree that Jean's TK had ripped out of the ground. Their attacks weren't doing much damage as Blob had used his powers to anchor himself to the ground, happily their attacks did give Cyclops time to skirt around Blob and knock him out with a highly compressed optic blast to the back of the head. Regrettably this caused Blob to fall backwards and pin Scott to the ground from the waist down.

Perhaps it was the caffeine deprivation, on top of the morning lethargy and the strain of assaulting the Blob, but Jean and Rogue collapsed into a fit of the giggles, only to hear a plaintive " Jean, help me! " from Scott. It didn't help matters much.

*****

Jubilee, reflected Storm had obviously spent far too much time around Logan, She had picked up some of the cruder epithets and cusses that were part of Logan's " highly vexed " vocabulary, and she was using them profusely as she dodged the mini quakes that Avalanche kept sending her way. She was barely able to do much more than hurl the occasional paf at him with limited success. Storm was also having some difficulty as Avalanche was using his powers to propel razor edged shards of rock skyward at her, her winds were doing rather a good job of redirecting them however she couldn't propel them towards Avalanche as his powers had generated an ever shifting dome of earth under which she couldn't discern his position.

With a sigh of relief she saw Logan hurtle around the corner of the Mansion and head to Avalanche, claws extended and howling with berserker rage he leapt at the flowing earthen curtain, disrupting the other mutants concentration long enough for Jubilee to blast him with a series of incandescent pafs, sending him flying and temporarily blinding him. Sheathing his claws Logan wrenched Avalanche's helmet off and with a swift one- two punch knocked him out. Nodding at the others he ran off, in pursuit of Steve and Sabretooth

*****

Remy and Bobby were pinned down by Pyro, the pyromantic mutant had blasted them with a surging wave of flame at first sight of them, badly singeing Remy's outfit and fringe. Remy was wheezing on his knees as Bobby kept his concentration on maintaining his ice shield.

" Snap out of it Gambit, I can't keep this up for long."

" Yeah I heard dat about you Drake. " Wheezed the cajun, looking miserably at his singed shirt and fingering his decimated hair.

" Well excuse me Swamprat but I make the lame jokes around here, you do something constructive like, oh I dunno, blast his freaking fuel tank? "

The two X-Men glared at each other for a moment, the atmosphere almost as heated as the slowly increasing air as Pyro's mad laughter echoed from behind the ice shield, only to suddenly shift into frantic screams as with a whumph and a flash of light, someone else blasted Pyro's fuel tank.

Jubilee's head peered round the edge of the shield as a shrieking Pyro rolled on the grass behind her, trying to extinguish the flames that covered him from head to toe.

" Yo Drake, stop foolin' around and put Pyro out will ya ? Do something remotely useful. "

Bobby sighed and began to cover Pyro with ice chips to extinguish his flames, whilst behind him Gambit rolled around on the grass laughing his ass off.

*****

Storm was beginning to wish she had paid more attention to Jubilee's cursing, as she was rapidly approaching the point when a vile stream of invective would be a welcome release. Toad was proving to be problematic. The bouncing little fool was harder to catch than Hank after a panty raid. Speak of the devil, she saw a bouncing blue furred beast hurtling towards Toad, who thankfully hadn't noticed him yet. Grinning she watched as Toad prepared to hurl a blob of that vile mucus of his at her, only to yelp in pain as Hank reached out from behind him and grabbed the amphibious wretch by his oversized tongue. Whooping with delight, Hank began to bounce around the woods with a whimpering Toad being dragged behind him by the tongue. After the first minute Storm gave up fighting it and gave into the giggling fit that had over come her.

*****

Professor X was a morning person, and whilst his students had soundly delivered a good thrashing to Magneto's brotherhood, he had devoted himself to putting on his bathrobe and getting into his hover-chair. He headed down to the subbasement and the Cerebro chamber and waited patiently. He didn't have long to wait. Magneto strode around the corner and stopped, his purple cape billowing behind him.

" Ah Charles, be a good fellow and step aside will you? "

" No, I don't think that will be happening Erik. If you want Cerebro then build your own."

Magneto laughed, " I don't want Cerebro, I want it destroyed, and all of your Xavier Protocols in my hands. The war is almost upon us Charles, Time to gather one's forces and draw the battle lines. "

Charles shook his head in a rather resigned fashion, " No I don't think that will be happening either Erik, not if you stop giving the humans reasons to fight us. Like it or not, you are one of the reasons why they hate and fear us so,"

Magneto shrugged, his eyes hidden by his helmet, " Why bother discussing cause when we are well into the effect? Now stand aside or I really will have to do something rather dreadful and magnetic to you, possibly involving your hover-chair. "

Charles smirked and flipped a switch on his hover-chair, magnetic coils in the ceiling and floor activated and wrenched his helmet from his head. His metallic mesh costume slammed him into the floor with a surprised " Ooof ."

" You see Erik, you aren't the only one who can do " dreadful and magnetic " and it certainly did involve my hover-chair. The problem now, is what do I do with you? Oh well I think I'll take a leaf from the past this time and fog over your knowledge of how to use your powers. It did keep the Vanisher out of trouble for quite a while. Now this might sting a little…"

Magneto's shrieks echoed all the way throughout the subbasement.

*****

Steve shadowed Sabretooth throughout the grounds of the X-Mansion, taking care to stay downwind of the hulking feral. The tall blond mutant darted in through the mansions back door and took the rear access elevator to the subbasement, waiting a few moments Steve pushed the call button and followed him down. He came across Sabretooth planting an explosive device on the Mansion's Shi Ar fusion reactor coolant tower.

" I'd stop right there Sabretooth."

The feral mutant sniffed the air, " Funny but you don't smell like a mutant, and I don't think you're an X-Man, Mind you, you smell of Logan. So he's venturing into rough trade is he? Who knew the runt had it in him."

Steve glowered at him, " I am not rough trade mister! As for who I am, well it looks like I'm the guy who's going to have to kick your furry ass. "

Sabretooth turned around, bomb forgotten. " Your mouth's writin' cheques that your ass can't cash boy. Looks like this assignment might be more fun than I thought. "

With a blood curdling roar he hurled himself at Steve with his arms extended, talons flashing. Steve pirouetted to the side avoiding injury save for his t-shirt, taking the opportunity to smack Sabretooth across the head with the sheathed Katana. The hulking feral fell off balance and dropped back cautiously, giving Steve enough time to draw the katana, sword in one hand and sheath in the other he hurled himself at Sabretooth. The blade flickered and danced in the air around Sabretooth's face, distracting and maddening him whilst the solid length of the sheath slammed into pressure points in his chest, driving him to his knees.

The feral blonde lashed out with a swipe of a large taloned hand, only to have it slapped and redirected by the sheath and a flash of the katana opened a shallow scalp wound above his left eye. Sight partially obscured by the trickle of blood, Sabretooth was a fraction of a second too slow dodging Steve's foot as it slammed into his left kneecap and slammed it out of position.

His howl echoed around the subbasement and he stumbled forward, half mad with rage, only for Steve to sidestep the charging mutant, dodge his talons, only to have the hip of his jeans ripped open before he kicked his right kneecap out of position. Sabretooth's legs slid out from under him and he fell against the coolant tower. Spotting the bomb, he reached for it only to have his questing hand slapped with the flat of the sword, before Steve whipped the sheath across the bridge of his nose. He followed it with several swift jabs to pressure points that resulted in the hulking blonde passing out.

With a small nod of satisfaction, Steve sheathed Logan's katana and inspected the bomb. Grinning to himself he disarmed it quickly, before heading out of the room in search of some restraints.

*****

Logan entered the cooling room five minutes later to find Sabretooth unconscious and Steve diligently duct taping the feral mutant's hands behind his back, he had already taped the big blonde feral from the ankles to the knees and taped his mouth shut. There also appeared to be a large lumpy wad of tape around Sabretooth's stomach.

" Hey Logan, get everyone else? "

" Yeah, I see you took down Sabretooth. "

" It wasn't that hard, mind you he did trash my outfit. Thankfully berserker rage isn't conducive to countering strategy. " He grinned.

Logan looked away, " About earlier, I didn't mean you couldn't take care of yourself. You just shouldn't have to get sucked into our fights. " He looked over at his lover, who was now angling Sabretooths legs backwards in a fiendish attempt to hog-tape him.

" It's nice that you care Logan, but I can take care of myself, besides what would you have me do? Quit the Avengers and Shield ? I couldn't do that anymore than you could, and we both know it. You just have to trust me, like I trust you. That's all. Oh well, looks like I'm out of tape. "

Steve stood up, took a step back and surveyed his handiwork, Sabretooth was unconscious, hands taped behind his back, ankles taped all the way up to his knees and then further taped to his hands, with a gag and a suspicious bulge taped to his abdomen, securely bound, gagged and beaten. They dragged the bound feral out into the hallway and to the elevator.

" You have a helluva nasty streak, with all that body hair duct tape is one of the worst things you could have used on him, what's the lump? " Logan gestured to the tape wrapped bump.

Steve flashed him a brilliant grin, " His own bomb, I figured if anyone tried to detonate it remotely it would be a good idea to make sure it was nowhere near the reactors cooling tower, so if they do, then Sabretooth's in for a nasty tummy ache, and healing that much should keep him occupied for a while. Besides he called me rough trade, I think some impromptu waxing is the least I owe him."

Logan tried to fight it, but lost, the laughter bubbled out of him until Steve grabbed him by the shirt and drew him into a hungry kiss.

*****

Charles withdrew from Magneto's mind and deactivated the magnetic restraints. " That ought to keep you out of mischief for a while. " He smiled beatifically as Magneto snarled at him and picked up his helmet.

" You went too far Charles, well you'll pay for that! " He reached under his left cuff and pressed a stud built into his costume, " Sabretooth's bomb will destroy your reactor and blow your damned mansion into orbit. Farewell Charles. "

Pressing another stud activated the transmat mesh built into all the Brotherhood's costumes and all over the Mansion grounds the fallen Brotherhood were swallowed by the silvery glow of transmat portals.

*****

In their own section of the subbasement a faint bleeping noise caused Logan and Steve to stop kissing for a moment, long enough to notice a dim greenish light pulsing on Sabretooth's chest, faster and faster, before the silvery light of a transmat portal claimed him.

Steve leaned his head on Logan's shoulder, " Thought as much, Magneto's just vindictive enough to build a remote trigger into all of his bombs. Is he still based in Asteroid M, do you think? "

Logan shrugged, " Dunno, don't care much either. So, breakfast or bed? "

Steve grinned, " Bed definitely, food can wait."

*****

The central chamber of Asteroid M was illuminated by the flare of multiple transmat signatures, Magneto wrenched his helmet off and stormed to his command chair, muttering curses about telepaths under his breath, he was so preoccupied with inventing new curses for Xavier that he didn't notice the ever increasing green flashes emanating from Sabretooth's chest until the final detonation tone chimed.

" Oh no…."

*****

Logan and Steve barely made it to Logan's room, as they passed the kitchen they heard Rogue Jean and Jubilee squabbling over the last of the coffee. Jubilee waved as they went past before snagging the coffeepot from an irate Jean and dodging Rogue. Remy yelped as Bobby froze his pants with a smirk, and Scott and Ororo rolled their eyes as they drank their coffee.

Steve and Logan finally made it to Logan's room, where Logan finished destroying Steve's clothes, although this time Steve was more than happy for it to happen as they sank into bed and a session of deep, hungry and intense sex.

Afterwards, basking in their post-coital afterglow, arms and legs wrapped around one another in an intricate lovers tangle Steve sighed. Logan nuzzled him, savouring their scents as they mixed. " Sup? "

" I just realised, that fun as it was I just shredded my only outfit, I didn't think to pack anything else."

Logan chuckled roughly, " You forgot about those leather pants and the mesh shirt."

Steve groaned, " Oh no, I'm going to have to wear them in public. "

" You wear your costume in public. "

" Logan, that's different, for a start it's body armour, and for another thing no one ogles me in that. "

" Sez you."

Steve froze, " People don't do they? "

Logan chuckled again, " Steve, it's tight enough that we can see what brand of bvd's you wear, trust me if you can wear the costume, you can wear leather pants. Of course, you can't wear bvds under leather pants."

" Why not ?"

" Visible panty line, it ruins the look. "

" Jan is going to die of shock….."

" Thattaboy."

FIN


End file.
